


Feva en Otaim

by camping_trash_44



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camping_trash_44/pseuds/camping_trash_44
Summary: Putting her heart on the line, Raven tried."Raven let herself lay there on the grease stained floor of her work room for what seemed like hours; who knows, it very well could have been, honestly she did not care either way. Eventually the tears broke free and she curled in on herself silently praying for the inevitable numbness to take over her."(or 1000+ words of heart break)





	Feva en Otaim

**Author's Note:**

> This is angst, like a lot of it, so be warned. 
> 
> My girlfriend and I broke up and I have no desire to write currently so we all get this trash. 
> 
> Sorry. Still love y'all though so, enjoy.

Her chest was crushing in on itself and tears threatened to spill across her cheeks yet Raven held it together, taking a deep and rattled breath into her lungs she absorbed all the pain. No, nothing broke Raven, she had survived too much in life to let a little heart break be the thing that finally brought her to her knees. 

Damn her if she didn’t want to though, every cell in her body was screaming to just fall on the ground and give up. Her lungs were full of fire, chest heavy with grief, and muscles sore from the sheer force she exerted to stop herself from crying. 

Standing in the middle of her small work room filled with various unfinished projects and her many tools Raven felt so small. Her hands had created so many things, helped so many people with her inventions, yet she still was not good enough. 

She should have known better though than to just put her heart all on the line, like a naïve child her heart had gotten broken. More than just her heart though, he body felt empty as if she would just float away if she let herself…she was completely empty now. A fresh wave of anguish coursed through her body that finally brought her to her knees. As her brace buckled from the sudden movement she spilled forward across the ground letting loose a loud yelp. 

Raven let herself lay there on the grease stained floor of her work room for what seemed like hours; who knows, it very well could have been, honestly she did not care either way. Eventually the tears broke free and she curled in on herself silently praying for the inevitable numbness to take over her. 

Her phone rang breaking her endless stare and drawing her back to reality. She let it ring through. 

Clarke could be heard knocking on the door softly, calling out to Raven. She had been expecting good news, she bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate after Raven told of her plans. Eventually Clarke left. Raven has no clue how long her best friend stood there. 

Anger eventually took root in her chest, boiling deep in her body she felt her muscles start to tremble with the raw emotion. Pushing herself off the floor, adrenaline filled her aching joints and sore muscles. Grabbing the nearest tool, a socket wrench, Raven began to destroy. Rage took over her with every swing, every satisfying sound of a piece of her work broken into wreckage. She ignored the reverberations caused by the impact of metal on metal, she ignored the blood starting to drip from the skin ripping of the friction, she ignored that her throat started to constrict from yelling. She didn’t care. 

A soft noise finally broke Raven from her destruction. Letting the wrench clang noisily against the ground she turned towards the source. Her body sank with exhaustion as her muscles finally gave out. She could feel the sadness wrapping around her bones as she reached towards the small velvet box. 

If she had any tears left they would have cascaded down her face as she popped open the box. She stared blankly at the white gold band nestled in the soft edges of the box. Laughing bitterly she took the ring out and let it sit in the middle of her hand, she noted that it shone brightly as it sat atop her bleeding palm. 

Anya was supposed to be wearing this very ring, smothering Raven with kisses in their bed. The numbness finally spread through her body. Her body buzzed with nothingness and her mind finally stopped screaming. 

They were going to be happy…forever. 

Raven had been so sure of Anya, sure of the life they created and had planned for. The nights they stayed awake in bed enveloped in each other as they planned to see far-away places, making memories, starting their family. A family they had found in each other after so many years of being alone. 

Now those dreams were just dust in the wind crumbling underneath Raven’s very own feet swallowing her whole. 

A knock against the door broke Raven from her anguished thoughts. Clarke could wait. The thought of interacting with another human made Raven’s stomach twist with nausea; she couldn’t act okay because she wasn’t okay. 

“Raven?” Her whole body seemed to get electrocuted when she heard her name being carried through the air from that voice. 

“Little Bird if you’re in there please open the door, I want to explain.” Anya’s voice sounded warbled from emotion. Raven ignored the clenching of her heart at the thought that Anya was hurting too. She stayed completely silent, praying that Anya would just leave her in peace to grieve. Raven knew that if she even saw Anya she would crack completely. 

A loud sigh cut through the door before Anya spoke again, “Fuck. Raven I wish you were here. My body…I already feel so incomplete without you.” A pause filled the air. “I will never forgive myself for this, for this pain. You have no idea what I would do to take your pain and make it my own. I’m so sorry. You are the most precious thing in the world to me, I swore to protect you and love you. You are one of the very few people in the world who bring light and happiness, you’re certainly the only one that makes me feel…loved.” Raven heard Anya choke on that last word, swallowing down the emotion, she could see Anya biting her lip to gather herself and put back on that stupid mask. Never allowing herself to feel anything. 

Then Raven heard crying, she couldn’t believe her own ears, Anya was crying into the door. Raven almost wretched from the pain of it all. 

“Raven I’m so sorry, and please know that I meant all of it. Every last word, every promise, every dream. You are my everything. It doesn’t mean much right now, but I promise that you will always have my heart. I am forever yours.” A loud bang echoed around the small room, Anya must have beaten her hand against the door Raven guessed. “Let me get…let me get myself together, fixed, I’ll be perfect for you. I’m just not ready for…honestly, I’m so scared. Please, I promise I’ll get myself together for you. You fuel every action I make, that won’t change.” 

Raven nearly gave in and ripped the door open, it would be so easy to just give in and let herself be wrapped in Anya’s strong arms. They are…were…the only place she has ever felt safe before. She couldn’t though, not only was her heart broken, but her trust in the woman as well was shattered in that moment. Seeing Anya’s face turn to stone with doubt in her eyes, Raven was sure her trust was ripped away in a tangibly painful moment.  
So she stayed on the ground as her heart tried to beat out of her chest because she knew there was no possible way she could handle this heart break again. 

Anya’s voice spoke out again threatening to crush Raven, “I love you Raven Reyes, you have my whole heart…one day I’ll be good enough. Please,” Raven choked back a sob that threatened to rack her body as Anya’s own sob let loose, “please don’t ever forget me.”

Raven swore in that moment she felt her rib cage crack open from the pain, exposing her heart and blood and nerves to the rawness of the world. She waited to make sure Anya left, her shadow no longer obscuring the light filtering in from under the door. A fresh wave of anguish and sobs racked her body and she let it, choosing this time not to hold back. Raven focused on the ring still clenched in her hand, she let her finger run over the small inscription inside the band.

‘feva en otaim

Anya’s words, no matter how badly she wanted to ignore them, cut into Raven’s chest and settled in a nest of thorns.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, you're allowed to hate me either for the angst or for how awful it was, take your pick.
> 
> Translation: 'feva en otaim' : 'forever and always'


End file.
